Week Nine - Rice Lake/Mississippi River - 9/5/201

It was a pretty typical night on one of our favorite places to fish. Some caught pretty big fish, while others struggled. There were even two Wallaye caught, so consider yourself lucky because that doesn't happen very often. The wind picked up with about an hour left on the clock. It didn't help or hurt me and netboy, cause I really suck at fishing and apparently netting too. So, because of that smart ass remark about my netting skills, netboy wil be fishing with rod that has been shoved up his ass.

It has really tightened up at the top of the leader board. Right now, Troy and Ryan are trailing team dickhead by only six points, but after throwing out the worst score of the year, team dickhead is up by 16, which is certainly easy to make up on a lake like the WF chain.

Sam and Brian were the big winners for the night. They not only won the event with 33 points, but won the big fish pot with a 30.75 inch pike. I think they shall be called team prick!

Since I'm writing this the day before we fish our last event on the WF chain, here is what's going to happen if the weather is bad tomorrow night. First of all, if there is lightening when we are scheduled to start fishing at 4:00, we will not fish. If there are high winds gusting to 25-30 mph, we will not fish. The make up date in case of inclement weather is the following Thursday, September 20th from 4:00-7:30. I will let you know by 2:00 pm if we're going to fish or not tomorrow night. If the 20th get's rained out, the season is over. The winning event money as well as the big fish pot, will go towards a party at Moonlight bay the night of the 20th. Let's hope we're fishing.

For updated standings, click HERE
For event detail, click HERE

Week Eight - North fn Long - 8/29/2019

Before we get to the fishing part of the evening on North fn Long, I must address the protest brought in front of the group, which included said commissioner, regarding the name team asshole. The protest was brought by the team of Steve & Brandon. They felt slighted by the commissioner’s lack of understanding of what it takes to actually earn the aforementioned team name of asshole. Steve and Brandon stated that they have tried awful hard over the years to earn the name, which Sam immediately backed up as truth, and once they brought it up and the rest of us thought about it, we all agreed that they really are assholes and most definitely should have the name instead of the new guys. So, as an official act, the commissioner has deemed that Steve & Brandon shall be forever know as team asshole.

Since there is a new/old team asshole on the block, the question arises on what to do with the old/new team asshole? An immediate solution to the problem was proposed by Steve (asshole number one I believe). He suggested that they should be called team dickhead. Without really knowing it, he came up with the only name that makes sense. As I was thinking about this, I started down the alphabet. A for asshole, can’t use B for butthole because they are essentially the same thing, and since this blog is read by both sexes, we can’t use C for the word that shall never be mentioned in mixed company that ends in T, so that brings us to D and the word that is used much too often in mixed company “dickhead”. So Jason and Brett are now team dickhead, but I will not be going back and correcting the official record this year, so it is up to the reader to make the proper distinction hereto and hence from the beginning of 2019.

Speaking of team D, their ole aholes may start to pucker a little bit as the standings are tightening up at the top. They still have a fairly large lead when throwing out the worst nights, but with a show only performance on N fn Long, it doesn’t leave any room for error over the last two events. These last two are total wildcards when it comes to points. If you know the river and the WF chain, then you’ll be ok, but I’ve seen some big fish come out of the river especially, so time will tell. Speaking of time, the last two are four-hour events starting at 4:00, ending at 8:00.

First time winners this year for N fn Long with Troy and Ryan pulling off the win with 31 points. Big fish went to team Jack, and oh, his dad Sam, with a 28.75 inch pike.

For updated standings, click HERE

For event detail, click HERE

Week Seven - Rabbit 8/15/2019

Not going to have much to say about Rabbit because I wasn't there. Thanks Steve for doing the measuring, and thanks for the awesome fuck you shirt. Numbers overall were down this year.

Big winners were Sam & Brian winning the event, and Jamie & Chuck had the biggest fish, a 28+ inch Pike.

For updated standings click, HERE
For event detail, click HERE

Next up, N fucking Long from 5:30-8:30 on 8/29

Week Six - Woman Lake 8/1/2019

Since I'm writing this so late, I'm not going to say much about Woman, except to say that the fishing pretty much sucks for us in August. Plus it's a long way to drive to get skunked. Probably won't be coming back anytime soon.

Winning the event was the "A" team, and big fish pot went to Steve & Brandon with a 21 inch pike.

If you had show points and I missed them, let me know when we get to N Long.

For updated standings, click HERE
For event detail, click HERE

Week Five - Roosevelt - 7/25/2019

I’ll get to the A-Team in a minute, but first I need to fill you in on what’s happened to me. I am writing to you from my hospital bed at Abbott Northwestern while receiving hyperbaric oxygen therapy due to assfixiation last Thursday while fishing on Lake Roosevelt. For all I know this could be the last blog post I ever write. I’m in very poor to critical condition due to lack of breathable air for the three hours that we fished. Let me fill you in on how I got here.

As you all know, the guy that fishes with me is really only good for three things; he pays my dues; he brings good snacks; and over the years he has become a good net boy. Those are his redeeming factors. The strikes against him are; he uses kiddy rods and reels; he drinks beer I wouldn’t serve the dead; he can’t tell the difference between a weed and a fish; he gloats for months when he happens to catch a keeper; he wears a kilt; his ass is deadly. It’s the ass part I’m going to focus in on. Not because it’s cute, but because it’s deadly. I mean his ass would have stopped Hitler’s army in its tracks if it would have been alive back then. I looked up the Native American meaning of his last name, and it turns out to be “Seeks His Inner Thoughts” or SHIT for short; or more appropriately, shits in shorts. I’m not kidding when I say I was standing up wind while it was blowing 20 mph on Thursday, and I could still smell the death that came out of his ass. This net boy of mine is an ozone depleting, global warming contributing, natural gas manufacturing, butt plug needing, underwear track leaving, mouth coating*, dinosaur killing**, vulture calling***, fish killing**** poor excuse for a human being. I’m sure it’s no coincidence, that during the short time he stayed at the landing after we were done fishing, there were no mosquitoes to be found. After he left, we were almost carried away by them. Back in the day when I actually worked, I used to play and work in bars when smoking was allowed. As soon as I got home, I had to put my smoke laden clothes in the laundry right away. When I got home on Thursday, I had to burn my clothes in the firepit; I didn’t have to use kindling or anything, because they went up like they were soaked in gas when the match got within five of them. Almost burned off all my hair when they exploded into flames. Not only that, I had to bathe under a cold-water faucet outside before coming into the house, and believe me when I say this, it was really hard trying to get under that faucet. After my dog realized it was me and not some god-awful thing she had never smelled before, I was allowed back into the house. It was during the middle of the night that I woke up gasping for air, so I called 911. The very first person to arrive on the scene was my son, because he’s a first responder and he lives just around the corner. I could tell by the horrified look on his face that I was in bad shape. The ambulance arrived shortly thereafter, and after a quick evaluation, they called in the life support helicopter. I had a crew of five people working to keep me alive as I was transported by air to the trauma center here at Abbott. Thanks to the quick actions of the trauma team, I was stabilized enough to be transferred to intensive care, which is where I remain. If I’m at Woman tomorrow, I’ll be wearing a mask (sorry I don’t have enough to go around). If I’m not there, you’ll know I didn’t make it. Thanks for your prayers.

As far as the A-Team goes, they aren’t very good fishermen after all. They really sucked on Roosevelt, just like the rest of us. Which calls into question the fish they have measured on the previous four lakes. Notice I didn’t say “caught” on the previous four lakes, because it simply can’t be verified, they actually caught them. It’s very telling that when daddy’s boat and Brett aren’t there, they end up getting beat by the likes of me and shits in shorts net boy. How does that happen? It might have something to do with the lake that night, because Paul & Simon won with only 22 points. Hell, shits in shorts net boy and I came in second with only 13! But among that 13, was the biggest fish of the night (****) as shits in shorts net boy managed to net my 30-inch pike. Too bad for the A-Team that their worst night of the year came on a rain out make up, because by new rule made at the landing and voted in almost unanimously states, we cannot throw out the points scored on a make up night. Sorry fellas; that really sucks.

Woman is tomorrow night, and the pike restriction is even tighter than the rest of the state. (Steve & Brandon pay close attention) All Pike between 24 & 36 inches must be released, but since the state reg is also in place, that means all pike between 22 & 36 inches must be released. Sets up an interesting scenario that a 20 to 21 inch pike may be the biggest fish of the night. That’s it. If I get out of this chamber that’s keeping me alive right now, I’ll see you on Woman tomorrow night. We fish from 6-9:00.

For updated standings, click HERE.

For event detail, click HERE.

*Do not stand close to the source with mouth open unless you want to also taste a fart while gasping for air. This also causes another unpleasant side effect; while gasping for a breath, air is forced into your stomach causing you to belch a lot. Since it was fart air you sucked in, your belches now smell like shit right under your nose. People have gone insane because of this side effect, so by all means, stay away from the source.

**This has yet to be tested since the dinosaurs are currently extinct.

***At one-point vultures circled our boat looking for the source of death they smelled in the air.

****We actually didn’t catch the 30-inch pike; it floated to the surface belly up like it would have after throwing a stick of dynamite into the water.

Week Four S/B Week Five - Whitefish Chain 7/18/19

So I was thinking to myself just the other day, 'hey you cranky fat old bastard, why do you keep writing this blog, when the outcome is the same every week?' Good question, and maybe I should contact Heather Brown at WCCO and ask her the same thing. Because you see, team asshole came, they saw, and they kicked ass; again. Different lake; same result. This time on our beloved Whitefish Chain, that was guarded at the Hay Lake Access by some Rip Van-winkle looking dude with a clip board and yellow vest, asking us where our boat was last, and where we're going next. You know, that really bugs me. Why are they allowed to ask that question, make note of it on an Ipad, and compile a data base with you and your boat on it? I find no where in the Minnesota boating regulations, where it says they have the right to take down this information. We are responsible for making sure our shit is drained, plug is out, etc. But I for one think it's an invasion of our privacy to ask these questions. Last week I was talking with Mark about the loss of his Uncle, and I over hear this dude talking with Matt, my partner that evening, say; and I quote: "well, the longer he bullshits, the longer this will take, and the longer this takes, the less you'll be fishing." F#*K HIM. By what authority does he have the right to keep me from fishing on public waters, at a public landing, paid for by public funds that I contribute to? Seriously...do these over paid power gone to their head assholes have the right to do that? I for one am going to ask that question on Roosevelt tomorrow night. I'll ask politely, but I'm tired of feeling like I'm not welcome on my public lakes anymore, because I have the same rights to that water as any lake shore owner does, regardless of how much they paid for their home. Imagine how someone out of state feels. We'll take your tourism dollars, but don't leave a fucking weed on your boat, because the landing warriors will put a bad mark on your record. Big brother is everywhere, and I've had enough of this shit. But I digress. Back to team asshole.

They really are tearing it up this year, and I guess it's time to pay respect where respect is due. Jason & Brett are welcome additions to our league, and congratulations on your points lead. You seem to have this fishing thing figured out, and for that I salute you. But the competitor in me, wants to launch a RPG into that fancy daddy boat of yours, you team asshole you. But I digress. Again, congratufuckinglations. But, they did not win the big fish pot this time, so there! That honor went to Mark & Luther with a 27 inch pike.

From everyone at the Fish It Live It League, our condolences go out to the Wallin family on the loss of Joe Wallin.

The Roosevelt rain out is up next, which is tomorrow, so I'll see you then.

For updated standings, click HERE.
For event detail, click HERE.

Week Three - Edward 6/13/19

There are three things I will remember Lake Ed for in 2019. It was a beautiful night, net boy and I sucked ass and team asshole did it again. Team asshole had the most points, the biggest walleye, the biggest pike and the biggest fish. La-te-da and whoop-te-do team asshole. You're not only assholes, but you're making the rest of us look like we've never fished before! So, in essence, you're living up to your name, you asshole jerk ass assholes.

It really was a nice night though, but I can tell you without a doubt, that lead core didn't work for walleyes. Net boy and I caught 3 pike on it, but that's it. I don't think anyone else was using it. Most of the fish caught that night came late, and from what I could tell, live bait worked. On average, it was a down night, so I think the weather change had something to do with it.

While re-reading the 437 page league rule book last night, I ran across an interesting rule on page 239, Article IV, Section VI, paragraph 2A. It states, and I quote: "At least one of the league participants must own the vessel in which they fishest out ofeth. League officials may initiate a title search at anytime, which at that point, one of the participants must produce a valid title showing they owneth the vessel in which they fishest out ofeth. If said title cannot be producededdaeth, then said participant has 24 hours to provide said title. If said participant cannot or willfully will not producededdaeth said title, then said vessel in question will be immediately confiscated and burned. In addition, all points will be disavowed, and said perpetrators will be banned not only frometh the league, but banned from fishing for lifeth." I bring this up, because a league official will be at the landing on Roosevelt this coming Thursday to check titles.

That'l do for now. Roosevelt on the 27th from 6-9:30. My 43rdeth wedding anniversary is the day before, so I'm taking my bride on a tour of that particular lake as an anniversary present...should be fun!

For league standings, click HERE.
For event detail click HERETH.

Week Two - Pelican Lake - 6/6/2019

I actually didn't hear how a lot of the fish were caught, because the mosquitoes were so thick, that every time you'd opened your mouth, one would fly in. I didn't have that problem though because of my stogie. So, if the rest of you wimps would man up and smoke your own, you wouldn't have to stand so close to me, and maybe, just maybe, the skeeters would have a hard time penetration our inner circle. Given the chance that you can't smoke one without puking your guts out, I'll bring my fogger to Edward on Thursday.

There were less fish caught than there were on Gull, but Pelican is usually a friggn bitch when it comes to wind, and we didn't have to deal with any at all. I'll take less fish any day and not deal with wind than fight it all night long. Last weeks point winners (team asshole) left without collecting their money, and the big fish guys (Chad & Dad) didn't bother to show up, so the rest of us went to Andy's in Crosslake and closed the place down because everything we ordered didn't cost us a thing. Ya can't beat the mushrooms at Andy's, and they tasted even better since they were free. Thanks guys!

So, last years champions pulled off the win on Pelican by catching one Walleye...the only Walleye caught that night, and it was enough to put them over the top. Not only that, they are now in first place, so maybe last year wasn't a fluke, as much as I hate to admit that. It's a long season though, so the rest of us have plenty of time to take those mofos down. Big fish pot went to Jamie & Chuck with a 30.75 inch pike. All in all, except for the skeeters, a good time was had by most.

Next up in Edward, this coming Thursday the 13th. CU then.

For current standings, click HERE
For event detail, click HERE

Week One - Gull Lake Chain - 5/23/2019

Week one is in the books, and it was a good one as far a league totals go. As a matter of fact, it was the biggest night this club has ever had on the Gull Chain in the history of record keeping. When it was all said and done, we had 216 points, which is by far the biggest number we've had. 190 points was the previous record set in 2016.

The water and air temps were in the mid 50's, the sky was overcast, and the wind was non-existent. Bass were shallow and hitting on just about anything from top water to wacky worms. Raps and other shallow running plugs caught fish too. The Walleye and Northern Pike seemed to be suspended at about 20 to 25 feet in water depths over 50 feet. Best way to get to them was a deep running crank bait, and the guys who located them, found some big fish. We had a Pike that was over 30", a Bass that was over 20", and a Walleye over 25". All of them maxed out the points for the individual species. For those of you that aren't in the league that might be reading this, rest assured all state regulations were followed as far as catch and release go, so don't be calling any tip line on us!

I personally think it's pretty brazen and totally inappropriate for a new team to be leading after week one. Just who do these upstart assholes think they are? The rest of us, including me and my net boy, have put blood sweat and tears into this league, and two guys named Jason and Brett can start out by putting 37 points on the board? So how do these guys come into this league and put up points like this? How did we old timers, especially Steve, allow this to happen? I don't have the answers, but what I do know is that it better not happen again next week, or the week after, or the week after that, or...well, you get my drift. But seriously, 37 points? If it happens again, they shall be forever known as team asshole.

I'm not even going to mention who came in second or third, because who gives a shit. If you want to know, you can read it yourself by looking at the point totals. Besides, if you come in second, all you are is the first loser. In the case of net boy and myself, we're the 9th loser, but that's better than being the 10th.

Our next event is June 6th from 6-9:30 on Pelican. We'll be using the Stewart's Bay Landing. Don't tell team asshole where that's located.

For the standings, click HERE.
For the event detail, click HERE
For the 2019 rules, click HERE.

Get Ready for 2019!!

Hello fisherman! We had a pretty good turnout at our meeting a couple of weeks ago at Billy’s. At the meeting we finalized the schedule and the lakes we’ll be fishing, as well as a few changes to the rules.

The biggest change to the rules is in regard to dropping our worst point night. Instead of being scored on ten events, we will be scored on nine events, so if you miss a night, it won’t hurt you point wise. We will still payout to the ten event nightly winners as usual, but the total year end point winner will be based on their best nine events scores.

The second rule change is about how we’re going to be counting northern pike. The state wide slot of 22-26 inch pike must still be immediately released, so a picture of a fish falling into that slot on a bump board with the tail pinched and the measurement being nice and clear in the photo, will count at the end of the night for your points. We will not be awarding half points this year for pike under 22. Instead, we will go back to awarding one point for pike between 20 & 22 inches. We do ask that you keep up to 10 pike each for fish under 22 inches. We will keep a running total of how many pike under 22 inches you catch for the year, and the winning team will receive $50 to buy drinks for the rest of us.

Here is the schedule for the year:
May 23rd Gull 6-9:30 Zorbaz Access
June 6th Pelican 6-9:30 Stewarts Bay Access
June 13th Edward 6-9:30
June 27th Roosevelt 6-9:30
July 18th  WFC 6-9:30 Lower Hay Lake Access
August 1st Woman 6-9:00
August 15th Rabbit 6-9:00
August 29th N Long 5:30-8:30
September 5th Rice 4-8:00
September 12th WFC 4-8:00 West Shore Dr Landing

May 30th Gull…June 20th Pelican or Edward…July 11th Roosevelt
July 25th WFC…August 8th Woman…August 22nd Rabbit
September 19th N Long, Rice or WFC

There are also 2 proposed Saturday tournaments from 8:00 to 5:00 on Leech. Dates are June 15th and August 31st with a $25 per team entry fee, winner take all. Those attending will also receiver 10 bonus points added to their yearly total. These two tournaments are not written in stone. We will decide when it get’s closer so we can see what the weather will be.

I don’t know what the yearly payout will be because I don’t know how many teams we’ll end up with. After our first event I’ll post the payouts.

I ask those of you that haven’t paid your $150 yet, please arrive at the landing on Gull by 5:30 with exact cash or a check written out to me.

I’ll post more updates as I think of them, but for now feel free to pass this information on to any possible new teams.

I’ll see everyone on Gull on the 23rd.

Brad

Event 10 - Whitefish Chain - 9/13/2018

Believe it or not, I actually wrote the following in October. I just looked, and it was never published; it was just sitting in my draft folder. Mark called me several weeks/months ago wondering when it was going to be posted, but I thought he was joking...who's the dumb ass now?

So that's it. 2018 is in the books. Our last outing on the Whitefish Chain produced some pretty surprising results, mostly by my net man, and the two guys in front actually hung on to win the season. Mark & Luther took a run at them, but ended up short of Steve & Brandon as they cruised to their first win.

I know I give my net man a lot of shit, because, quite frankly, he deserves it. He has the nickname net man for obvious reasons. He's gotten pretty good at it over the years, and he brings good snacks, so he can have a seat in my boat anytime. He does fart a lot though and will occasionally wear a Kilt, so I reserve the right to change my mind at any time I see fit. But on this particular night in September, I need to add obnoxious to the list of how I describe net man. As we were leaving the landing, I pull up on this spot where I've caught Walleye on Cross in the past. I tell him what to put on, and how far to run it out the back of the boat while we start trolling. We just get started, and BAM he's got weeds. Except this time, the weeds were putting up more of a fight than usual, so now he's not sure if it's weeds or a fish. I'm still trolling along minding my own business, because I've heard all of this before. But out of the corner of my eye, I see his Zebco kids rod and reel package, reacting like there could be a fish on. So...I grab the net and wait for his "for God's sake your drag is too loose" reel to slowly bring whatever it is close enough where I can get a look at it, and low and behold it turns out to be a 23.5 inch Walleye. For the rest of the fricken night, I have to put up with how good of a fisherman he is, because he managed to snag a nice fish and get to the boat before it got off. You would have thought he caught a new world record! His shit talking was just plain obnoxious. I could have thrown him overboard, and gotten away with murder in a court of law, because no jury would have convicted me once they found out I had to endure that for 4 hours! The guy catches one fish, and he thinks he's Al Lindner.

Now for whiny boys, our champs, Steve & Brandon. I happen to mention in a post right before fishing Rabbit, that I thought Mark & Luther would pull of a repeat season win because of their consistency. They are just as strong if not stronger during the second half of the season. So we're sitting in the little bay by the landing on Rabbit waiting for start time, and I hear this little squeaky whiny voice say 'hey...we're consistent too, you word bully'. At first I try to ignore the little voice, but then as being directed by Beethoven himself, they are now speaking as one, trying to convince me that 'they're consistent too' so why didn't I mention that. You see, I had forgotten that the younger generation was so sensitive about not only what you said about them, but also what you don't say about them. So I told them to get out their hankies, wipe their eyes, blow their little noses and then shut the hell up or I'd take away their sliced fruit and cheese platter. I'll give them this though; our champs scored 120 points the first half, and 124 the second, so I guess they were very consistent. I hope they can sleep better now.

It was a good year. We did our part to help the DNR with their undersized Pike population, especially on the Whitefish Chain. I hope someone took a picture of the pile of fish under 22 inches laying on the asphalt. I hope other people did the same this year.

On a personal note, I'd like to say that you're all a great group of people to be around. I always hate seeing the year come to a close because I miss you during the winter. The events fly by so fast, and the excitement of the season getting underway is fast overtaken by the sadness that all good things must end. At least until May of 2019 when we get to start the circle of life all over again. I hope you're all back for 2019, because it would be sad if you weren't.

Be looking for a notice regarding our kick off meeting the end of April at Billy's, and if anyone knows of a good decently priced used motor out there that actually has reverse, let me know. I'd like to have a 150 HP. See you in April!

For the final standings, click HERE
For final event detail, click HERE